Maverick’s Blog

Category: Parody

  • How to deliver an academic seminar?

    The delivery of a seminar in academia is one of the most important duties. Following is a guideline to give an accurate and proper seminar.

    1. Make the topic as convoluted as possible :The importance of your research is linked directly to how complex it sounds. Not how complex it really is, but how others perceive it. So use all technical jargons, opaque words and a lot of badly generated plots. In other words, at the end of the talk no one should have a single question to ask!
    2.  Don’t tell a joke: Of course you can’t tell a Dad-joke but you cannot joke about your research as well. Not even a witty joke. This is highly unprofessional behaviour.
    3.  Tone: We at academic seminars keep a very fixed and consistent intonation. This is strategically designed to make the audience fall asleep, which falls very well with our aim of avoiding questions at the end.
    4. Questions: It is your duty, as an elite member of the academic society to judge questions. If a question seems too complex, just call it “interesting”. Any question, that aligns with your bias is a good question and should be called out loudly that it is! (Sorry about the exclamation mark, emotions are not allowed in scientific discourse.) Any question which is a bit deep and “stupid” should be met with awkward silence and gestures so that such stupid people can be kept out of our elite seminars.
    5. Information overload: The best defence is always burying the opposition in paperwork. Same applies in academic seminars. Give so much information and slides that people skip the minutia and don’t have time to process the validity of the work, which is the best way to avoid questions that challenge your work and more importantly, force you to think! (Sorry again for the exclamation).

    These five golden rules are absolutely imperative to survive an academic seminar without being labeled stupid by your peers. As a speaker, you should pontificate, not to build a bridge but trample the curiosity beneath. Keep looking up at the stars and down at other people! 

  • When a Nobel Laureate said “I am an idiot” in his Acceptance Speech

    Professor Mitchell Miller won the Nobel Prize in Physics (2050), and in his acceptance speech, he openly admitted that he isn’t particularly smart. Here’s an excerpt of what he said:

    “I have great regard for the honour of the Swedish Academic Society, and I do not wish to contradict their choices. But I have been meaning to find the right time in my life to say this: I am a complete idiot. I hope that inspires people like me to pursue their passion, regardless of the labels they are given.”

    Professor Mitchell has supervised many successful students over his career in addition to being a brilliant scientist. His remark has sparked controversy on social media. Many are accusing him of misleading the youth about ambition and competence. We went to talk with him about the speech, and here’s what he said:

    “Throughout my life, I was praised for being clever, brilliant, and sincere. But these were just labels to me — they didn’t do anything specific for my growth or learning. I used to remind myself of my shortcomings and what I needed to improve. But I couldn’t openly express those thoughts in front of people.

    When I was a graduate student, I had to struggle through immense competition to pursue my passion. Admitting weaknesses wasn’t an option then. As I progressed in my career, I noticed that people valued authority, and I felt I needed it just to have my voice heard. But as I grew older and more secure, I began to realise that I could afford to be true — not just to myself, but to others too.

    I felt a deep dissonance when people praised me. For once, I wanted to communicate what I actually felt about myself and what has helped me keep learning physics. And when I found out I had received the Nobel Prize, I thought: perhaps now is the right moment to tell the truth.”

    Many users have commented that being labelled smart, stupid, arrogant, or humble is deeply reductive to the complexity of human experience. These traits can shift and co-exist at different stages of life.

    One user wrote on the platform Y:

    “Some may argue he was arrogant to fake smartness all this time — but to those people I ask, what is smartness? And for that matter, what is arrogance?”

    While the speech has sparked debate over how we define brilliance, incompetence, and arrogance in academia, many outside academia found it surprising — and oddly refreshing.

    What are your views? Let us know at our handle — @ThisisNotRealNews.